Finishing this treatment has been a really interesting experience. I know it seems funny to say that it is some kind of "comfort" but this has been my life for the last 4 months. Every Monday I did something that had to do with cancer. Either it was chemo or getting my blood taken to check my white count. I am SO happy that this is over, but it's sobering in a way. I feel like I am getting thrown back into a world that I don't really remember. What is life without cancer? What do I do on Mondays? How do I be a full-time mom again? It has been such a long time since I have not really had anything to do with this disease that I am not sure I will know how to handle it. I am having a hard time thinking that it is all gone. I have not really had a thought about the cancer coming back until the chemo was over. For the last 4 month there was something continually fighting it but now my body is on its own. My prognosis is really good but it is still something that is in the back of my mind. 6 months ago i never thought about my health, but now I have to fight the urge to think every pain I have is the cancer coming back in another location. I know that God has me covered. He has brought me through the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I know he will bring me through my fears of re-occurrence. I also get to start growing hair again. Everyone tells me it could come back curly or a different color. I am hoping to become a curly blond. :-)
So, I have one more hurtle with this breast cancer journey. I will schedule my final reconstruction surgery next week. I will let you know when that will be when I find out, and I will ask for your prayers once again. It is outpatient so it should not be as bad as the first one. I am just excited at the thought of having the surgery, healing and moving on with my life. This has been a long exhausting journey and I cant wait to write that it has come to a end. The healing process -- mentally and physically -- will continue for many months, but the strength that I have gained in the past six months is something I couldn't have imagined. The relationship with my family has been brought up to another level. The love and support from my husband is something you usually only see in movies. He has been there at every chemo, every joint pain and every nauseous day. He has given up sleep, food and, let's be honest, sanity to deal with all of this. I think he might have gotten a little grayer in the last 6 months. :-) And Ian, Oh Ian. He has been wonderful. He has not had his mommy at 100% in so long, but he has taken it like a champ. Being shuffled around from person to person, not knowing who was going to get him that day (but having an amazing time with all his friends). God has blessed me with the most amazing friends and family. Thank you all who have been my chemo support team. I could not have done this without you. God has been my rock but you all have been my support. I will soon move on with my life after breast cancer. Every day I will be further away from this. I will not forget, but as time goes on it will move from the front of mind to the back. I have gone from a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
New Plans
Merry Christmas.I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.
One left, One left. I cant believe it. I didnt think i would ever be at the end but here i am 2 weeks out from being done and could not be happier. I will start to grow hair in about a month. :-)
I have not written since i have started my new treatment and let me tell you it has been SOO much easier. It was almost a disaster though. I went into my first chemo of my new drug still thinking I only had 4 treatments left and was obviously excited to be halfway done. The chemo nurse came in and started telling me about the new drug and said, "so you will have a treatment every week for 12 weeks." I said, "excuse me?" as my eyes are starting to well up. She told me that is how the taxatier is administered. So at this point I am starting to cry. I walked in thinking I only had 4 treatments left and now they are telling me I have 12. I am freaking out. My nurse went and talked to my oncologist. I was not sure what was going to happen but God stepped in again. My oncologist said we can change the drug a little bit and I could get Taxol instead of taxatier. Taxol is given every 2 weeks for 4 treatments so I am back on track. Praise the Lord!! The drug is almost the same. There is more of a chance of being allergic to it but I was not so it will be just as affective as the taxatier which was originally prescribed. The only thing about this one is, it is a 3 hour drip so I am at chemo for 4 hours. I will take 4 hours 4 times over 1 hour 12 times any day.
This side effects of this drug are a lot easier. I have been dealing with some joint pain and finger sensitivity. I am really exhausted but other than that it has not been so bad. I have also been having problems with fevers. I have had 3 since i started this drug. I even ended up in the hospital for 3 days with no diagnosis. They could not figure out what was wrong so the fever broke and I went home. I am hoping that does not happen again before I am done. It really stunk.
Emotionally it has been ok. It is really funny but I still feel like I am in shock that this is even happening. It has been so long that this has been going on and i still look in the mirror and am reminded that I have cancer. I see so many of my friends getting pregnant with their second babies and I have to say I am a little jealous. I cant even think about another baby for over 5 years. Dont get me wrong, I have the best son in the world but looking back at 6 months ago, I thought i would be in a completely different place than I am now. So now we make new plans. Not only in the growth of our family but in everything we do. How we live our life and how we handle the everyday. All we can hope for is that we see God clearly and trust him that in all the decisions we make we are listening to his voice. We walk everyday knowing that God is in control. I know God has a plan for us and I know that he will guide us in whatever he has for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
One left, One left. I cant believe it. I didnt think i would ever be at the end but here i am 2 weeks out from being done and could not be happier. I will start to grow hair in about a month. :-)
I have not written since i have started my new treatment and let me tell you it has been SOO much easier. It was almost a disaster though. I went into my first chemo of my new drug still thinking I only had 4 treatments left and was obviously excited to be halfway done. The chemo nurse came in and started telling me about the new drug and said, "so you will have a treatment every week for 12 weeks." I said, "excuse me?" as my eyes are starting to well up. She told me that is how the taxatier is administered. So at this point I am starting to cry. I walked in thinking I only had 4 treatments left and now they are telling me I have 12. I am freaking out. My nurse went and talked to my oncologist. I was not sure what was going to happen but God stepped in again. My oncologist said we can change the drug a little bit and I could get Taxol instead of taxatier. Taxol is given every 2 weeks for 4 treatments so I am back on track. Praise the Lord!! The drug is almost the same. There is more of a chance of being allergic to it but I was not so it will be just as affective as the taxatier which was originally prescribed. The only thing about this one is, it is a 3 hour drip so I am at chemo for 4 hours. I will take 4 hours 4 times over 1 hour 12 times any day.
This side effects of this drug are a lot easier. I have been dealing with some joint pain and finger sensitivity. I am really exhausted but other than that it has not been so bad. I have also been having problems with fevers. I have had 3 since i started this drug. I even ended up in the hospital for 3 days with no diagnosis. They could not figure out what was wrong so the fever broke and I went home. I am hoping that does not happen again before I am done. It really stunk.
Emotionally it has been ok. It is really funny but I still feel like I am in shock that this is even happening. It has been so long that this has been going on and i still look in the mirror and am reminded that I have cancer. I see so many of my friends getting pregnant with their second babies and I have to say I am a little jealous. I cant even think about another baby for over 5 years. Dont get me wrong, I have the best son in the world but looking back at 6 months ago, I thought i would be in a completely different place than I am now. So now we make new plans. Not only in the growth of our family but in everything we do. How we live our life and how we handle the everyday. All we can hope for is that we see God clearly and trust him that in all the decisions we make we are listening to his voice. We walk everyday knowing that God is in control. I know God has a plan for us and I know that he will guide us in whatever he has for us.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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