2 Corinthians 4:16
So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Leaving the "comfort" of this crazy life!

Finishing this treatment has been a really interesting experience. I know it seems funny to say that it is some kind of "comfort" but this has been my life for the last 4 months. Every Monday I did something that had to do with cancer. Either it was chemo or getting my blood taken to check my white count. I am SO happy that this is over, but it's sobering in a way. I feel like I am getting thrown back into a world that I don't really remember. What is life without cancer? What do I do on Mondays? How do I be a full-time mom again? It has been such a long time since I have not really had anything to do with this disease that I am not sure I will know how to handle it. I am having a hard time thinking that it is all gone. I have not really had a thought about the cancer coming back until the chemo was over. For the last 4 month there was something continually fighting it but now my body is on its own. My prognosis is really good but it is still something that is in the back of my mind. 6 months ago i never thought about my health, but now I have to fight the urge to think every pain I have is the cancer coming back in another location. I know that God has me covered. He has brought me through the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I know he will bring me through my fears of re-occurrence. I also get to start growing hair again. Everyone tells me it could come back curly or a different color. I am hoping to become a curly blond. :-)
So, I have one more hurtle with this breast cancer journey. I will schedule my final reconstruction surgery next week. I will let you know when that will be when I find out, and I will ask for your prayers once again. It is outpatient so it should not be as bad as the first one. I am just excited at the thought of having the surgery, healing and moving on with my life. This has been a long exhausting journey and I cant wait to write that it has come to a end. The healing process -- mentally and physically -- will continue for many months, but the strength that I have gained in the past six months is something I couldn't have imagined. The relationship with my family has been brought up to another level. The love and support from my husband is something you usually only see in movies. He has been there at every chemo, every joint pain and every nauseous day. He has given up sleep, food and, let's be honest, sanity to deal with all of this. I think he might have gotten a little grayer in the last 6 months. :-) And Ian, Oh Ian. He has been wonderful. He has not had his mommy at 100% in so long, but he has taken it like a champ. Being shuffled around from person to person, not knowing who was going to get him that day (but having an amazing time with all his friends). God has blessed me with the most amazing friends and family. Thank you all who have been my chemo support team. I could not have done this without you. God has been my rock but you all have been my support. I will soon move on with my life after breast cancer. Every day I will be further away from this. I will not forget, but as time goes on it will move from the front of mind to the back. I have gone from a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. PRAISE THE LORD!!!
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6 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:14 PM

    incredible, jill, just incredible. every post has brough me both to tears and on my knees and this one is no different. though this time i jumped off my knees a little faster and got really excited for you. i love you.

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  2. UnknownJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:15 PM

    that was really from karly and andrew just monopolized the gmail sign in by accident :)

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  3. AnonymousJanuary 18, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    Every written word, Jillian, you amaze me! This whole journey, you have amazed me, inspired me, humbled me. I don't feel that I am alone with this sentiment. I do praise the Lord, for you, all that you are, and for all those whose lives are touch by you, simply just by being you. A new chapter begins. Get your running shoes ready! ;-)

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  4. UnknownJanuary 19, 2011 at 2:59 AM

    You have done it! And you were there for US, teaching us faith, love, friendship, trust, courage, beauty. You are the complete package. And who cares what your hair looks like, you are beautiful just the way you are (quote Bruno Mars? Lol) It may have seemed like eternity to you but honestly, it was a quick few months. And your life ahead is extended. We are all so proud of you, glad to call you friend. Thank you especially for being there for me now and the advice, courage you're giving me to pass on to my friend in his difficult battle. Love you girl! And so glad Chuck is amazing, most men would not know how to handle this kind of "in sickness & health" and Ian, it's awesome that he's so flexible and friendly to be taken in by friends and family without a struggle. What a cool kid!

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  5. UnknownJanuary 19, 2011 at 8:42 AM

    I am so proud of you. I love you so much Jillybean. God knew what he was doing all along.

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  6. Elizabeth deButts February 10, 2011 at 5:36 AM

    Love you...so happy for you and praying for continued healing in every way!

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