Well that was a quite a doozy. It started when just walking in the "chemo room" made my eyes well up. I started crying before the nurse even did anything. It was just that it really became real that it was not over yet. I cant believe it is not over yet. I have another 6 months of poking, prodding, pain, nausia and hair loss.
So i sucked it up and took a deep breath and the lovely nurse stabbed me in my 3 day old port. Boy did that hurt. The actual injection of the medicine was not bad and didnt make me feel bad. I was fine for about 3 hours after, just a little tired. So I took a nap, and when I woke up the nausia hit. I couldnt really talk at all or I thought I would be sick, but luckily I did not. Praise the Lord. That is what I fear the most. I can handle the nausia but the vomiting would really suck.
So today has been ok. Still not feeling great but a lot better than yesterday. I was able to eat a bit. I also had to go into the doctor again to get a shot that is supposed to bring up my white blood cell count. That was not fun but not terrible. Chuck is going to get to give it to me from now on to save a trip to the doctor. Lucky him :-) I got to hang out with Ian today. We watched some Finding Nemo. He played blocks in the room where I am, and danced around. It was a lot of fun to see him just being himself, not being damaged at all by this experience. He is so wonderful. He has really been amazing. Just loving on me and just being the best boy out there.
On an up note, God has really been talking to me. In between my tears he has just been telling me that He is here and holding me in His hand through all of this. I still am not sure what He has in store for me or why this is our journey to go through, but I know that there is a reason. If I dont know what it is in this lifetime, I will know that there IS a reason and my God had this in His plan from the beginning.
No doctors tomorrow which is great. Keep me in your prayers. I would like to wake up tomorrow feeling like me again. Get out of bed, maybe even get outside and do more than nothing. So tomorrow is another day. Another day to live and be with my family. If i can rememeber that through this whole process, we will come out of this so much stronger than we ever thought we could be.
I love your honesty, I love your confidence in Christ despite your circumstances and I love you. Prayers always.
ReplyDeleteyou are incredible, jill! i was blown away by your post. you are such an encouragement. so glad you are blogging all of this. God is doing amazing work through you. (as a side note...i love the colors you picked for your blog...the whole theme looks awesome) love you tons! -karly
ReplyDeleteI'd like to connect you with a friend of mine from the place I worked after Engle...she went through this with her husband (shockingly, and the docs didn't take it seriously!) and she knows so much information about this it's amazing. I'm going to connect you two on FB.
ReplyDeleteShe and I were in daily contact during her husband's chemo, and there were good and bad days, and they seemed to be centered around meds. I believe he was on steroids, but I'd have to ask her. It ended up helping on some days but then others were as you describe...I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through. Your spirit is really admirable. I think I'd be in a "why me" place of shock. I'm impressed at your strength and peace of mind.
Jill you are a continued reminder to me that this world is all about the journey and not the destination. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think about you and pray for you all the time (and your cute little boy oh and chuck too :)). love you
ReplyDeleteAlexis
Such amazing strength and beauty, Jill! My heart just overflows with admiration and well wishes for you as you go through this journey. I know you'll continue to be blessed! You are in my thoughts and prayers :)
ReplyDeleteJillibean, I love you so much. You are such a woman of God. I am with you every step of the way on this journey. Love always, your cousin Jennifer and family
ReplyDeleteJillian, I think and pray for you and your family daily. I am so glad you are doing this blog! You give me strength just in reading it. We are all here for you every step of the way. Your strength and faith are going to pull you through this! You amaze me! Love you and XOXO to You, Chuck and Ian.
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